Two years. Lyrics swim in my head as I have grown significantly. "Kiss me in the rain, watch my sorrows wash away..." My tears stream. I've finally been hospitalized, what feels like years has been mere months. Life took a huge turn but I try to stay alive. Desmond is a distant memory, as is SCA. Egderp... that name hurts me to call him. We're still as close as siblings, but everything has changed. New friends, new lovers, new life. But this is not a life worth the pain of existence sometimes. I love life, I love my family, my pets... But my heart and brain can no longer agree. Caffeine fuels my veins though I've become restless. Two years away from what used to help me cope. Drawing and artistry is a distant memory as well. College and early graduation is my new goal, as is a job, as is my family, as is as is as is.... The lost has grown though my patience has not. Maroon 5 and Bruno Mars no longer bury my sorrows; rather, bands like Twenty One Pilots and Panic! At The Disco do. I regret living through the pain, but at the same time, the prizes are worth it. The distance is a murderer; the visitation is saintlike. Maturity is hell, but being more mature than some family is heaven. A blind heart and a deaf brain are not a great way to live, but strengthened lungs and thinner waists are worth the coping. Tears are worth the hugs. Warmth is worth the wind. Support of my parents bests acceptance of the world. Frozen hell is better than fearful heaven. Jealousy tempts me to hell below, as do my daemons. Gods, magic, and wishes can't save who I was, but love and achievement can progress myself to who I want to be. Necklaces are no longer leashes, belts no longer collars. Hearts no longer brands. Nails no longer long. My body is no longer a piece of artwork, but a female human being. I am not an object, I am not an idea, I am not a concept. I am a human. A lizard-owning, life-loving human. My tears may fall but so will others. I am not the world. I am not the sun. I am not even a volcano of creation and destruction. I am a simple human. I am not who I once was. I am not who I'm going to be. I am only the present. I am only the future of the past. I am metaphoric. I am unrealistic. I am hell. I am heaven. I am religion. I am Gods. I am Devils. I am Satan and Hades. I am Vishnu and Jesus. I am strength. I am weakness. I am old. I am young. I am wise. I am dumb. And of course, I am me. I am only me. Call me as you will, I cannot change you, I can only change myself. Please, heed the truth. Heed your truth. Heed my truth. Heed the truth.