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About Other / Hobbyist ErinFemale/United States Recent Activity
Deviant for 4 Years
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Newest Deviations

Must You? 2 by 19ehill Must You? 2 :icon19ehill:19ehill 1 1 Must You? by 19ehill Must You? :icon19ehill:19ehill 1 1 Untitled Drawing by 19ehill Untitled Drawing :icon19ehill:19ehill 1 0 Blurred Chaos by 19ehill Blurred Chaos :icon19ehill:19ehill 1 2 Mysterious by 19ehill Mysterious :icon19ehill:19ehill 1 2 Radical Rainbow by 19ehill Radical Rainbow :icon19ehill:19ehill 3 2 Mystery Man by 19ehill Mystery Man :icon19ehill:19ehill 2 2 Capiar Bartil- Homestuck OC by 19ehill Capiar Bartil- Homestuck OC :icon19ehill:19ehill 2 2 Capiar Bartil by 19ehill Capiar Bartil :icon19ehill:19ehill 1 2 Flames by 19ehill Flames :icon19ehill:19ehill 1 0 Untitled Drawing by 19ehill Untitled Drawing :icon19ehill:19ehill 1 0 The Sky Is Dying and So Are We by 19ehill The Sky Is Dying and So Are We :icon19ehill:19ehill 0 0 Two Sides by 19ehill Two Sides :icon19ehill:19ehill 1 0 Untitled Drawing by 19ehill Untitled Drawing :icon19ehill:19ehill 1 0 Flower...ish by 19ehill Flower...ish :icon19ehill:19ehill 0 0 Untitled Drawing by 19ehill Untitled Drawing :icon19ehill:19ehill 2 0

Favourites

Please Don't Cut by AquaCupcakeLord Please Don't Cut :iconaquacupcakelord:AquaCupcakeLord 3 3 I don't bite stamp by FrightFox I don't bite stamp :iconfrightfox:FrightFox 139 30 Support Love by Kohaku0827 Support Love :iconkohaku0827:Kohaku0827 892 184 Request - Above stereotypes by HarmonicSonic Request - Above stereotypes :iconharmonicsonic:HarmonicSonic 973 167 Flag Pride by Just-Jasper Flag Pride :iconjust-jasper:Just-Jasper 265 47 My Friend is Gay by stuck-in-suburbia My Friend is Gay :iconstuck-in-suburbia:stuck-in-suburbia 604 243 All of the flags by flying-wolf-32 All of the flags :iconflying-wolf-32:flying-wolf-32 71 9 My Friend is Bi by stuck-in-suburbia My Friend is Bi :iconstuck-in-suburbia:stuck-in-suburbia 587 56 My Friend is Asexual by stuck-in-suburbia My Friend is Asexual :iconstuck-in-suburbia:stuck-in-suburbia 330 47 My Friend is Pansexual by stuck-in-suburbia My Friend is Pansexual :iconstuck-in-suburbia:stuck-in-suburbia 266 80 My Friend is Straight by stuck-in-suburbia My Friend is Straight :iconstuck-in-suburbia:stuck-in-suburbia 498 55 Mark by Edge-0fHeaven Mark :iconedge-0fheaven:Edge-0fHeaven 324 20 Being Childish Stamp by Creativeness Being Childish Stamp :iconcreativeness:Creativeness 20,941 443 Look up Atheism before you throw this one at me. by Catthylove Look up Atheism before you throw this one at me. :iconcatthylove:Catthylove 261 290

Activity


A year and some change since the hospital. I "ran away" from my problems. My dad knows where I am, as does Egderp. I've persisted in asking him to come see me. He refuses for 'parental reasons.' I hope he's not lying, but a part of me can't resist but think he is. 
Donald Trump took the healthcare of his club member's niece. I haven't had my correct medicine since the day of the reptile convention. I took my old accidental refills. They worked for a little while. Then the shaking, but still happiness. Then, four days ago, I shattered. 2 days after the year anniversary of my release, and I was fit for readmission. I tried to solve it myself. I force the pills down, knowing they're better than the unmedicated hell.
I've been at my best friends for four days straight. I didn't plan for this. I miss my lizard. I miss my sister. I miss my dad. But I know going back will mean hell. I know going back means crying so loudly I can't hear my own thoughts. I know it means more pain than I could ever be in away. My best friend and her family have become my new family almost. Their friends are my friends. My enemies are their enemies. My old crush is their best friend. He comes and goes as he pleases. It's nice, I got to cuddle with him as we both went through our own hells. He's persistent. I've always liked that.
I feel safe here. I feel comfortable here. I sleep in my friend's bed. I watch netflix with her brother, another good friend now. We both almost cried at the last episode of the night. I'm glad I brought a stuffie from home. Pikachu is a good cuddler. I feel safe enough here to ask for clothes. They know I'm not okay to drive in this state. I don't know when I'll go home. I honestly don't want to, but I do miss my lizard. I've lost close friends this week due to my own actions. I'm okay with the friendships lost. I'm not okay with the time I lost. The heart I lost. I'm not okay with my wasted love.
I'm wearing leggings that stretched a little too much when I put them on. I'm wearing a cropped hoodie that goes a little too high for comfort. My stomach only looks bigger, but I've been eating less. Not starving myself, just haven't been hungry as much.
I had a fender bender earlier in the month before my birthday. I think it was before, at least. 2018 has blended into a blurry mess. I'm glad it was minor, but it was caused by an anxiety attack while driving, worsened by my passenger yelling at me.
Names keep swimming through my head. Boys keep swimming through my head. Oh, what I'd give for a flat stomach. Oh, what I'd give for an actual lover. Oh, what I'd give for the tender touch of a true love's kiss. Oh, what I'd give to be okay. I want to be held and told everything will be okay again. I know it will eventually, I just... don't want to wait for eventually. 
My mom just found out I was gone. Dad never told her. I can't articulate what's wrong. I never have been good at articulating my thoughts. I have to be prompted. 

Well, I started this at about 1am. It's now 4:18 am and I need sleep. I should sleep. I'll check in again soon. 
Farewell for now.
Two years. Lyrics swim in my head as I have grown significantly. "Kiss me in the rain, watch my sorrows wash away..." My tears stream. I've finally been hospitalized, what feels like years has been mere months. Life took a huge turn but I try to stay alive. Desmond is a distant memory, as is SCA. Egderp... that name hurts me to call him. We're still as close as siblings, but everything has changed. New friends, new lovers, new life. But this is not a life worth the pain of existence sometimes. I love life, I love my family, my pets... But my heart and brain can no longer agree. Caffeine fuels my veins though I've become restless. Two years away from what used to help me cope. Drawing and artistry is a distant memory as well. College and early graduation is my new goal, as is a job, as is my family, as is as is as is.... The lost has grown though my patience has not. Maroon 5 and Bruno Mars no longer bury my sorrows; rather, bands like Twenty One Pilots and Panic! At The Disco do. I regret living through the pain, but at the same time, the prizes are worth it. The distance is a murderer; the visitation is saintlike. Maturity is hell, but being more mature than some family is heaven. A blind heart and a deaf brain are not a great way to live, but strengthened lungs and thinner waists are worth the coping. Tears are worth the hugs. Warmth is worth the wind. Support of my parents bests acceptance of the world. Frozen hell is better than fearful heaven. Jealousy tempts me to hell below, as do my daemons. Gods, magic, and wishes can't save who I was, but love and achievement can progress myself to who I want to be. Necklaces are no longer leashes, belts no longer collars. Hearts no longer brands. Nails no longer long. My body is no longer a piece of artwork, but a female human being. I am not an object, I am not an idea, I am not a concept. I am a human. A lizard-owning, life-loving human. My tears may fall but so will others. I am not the world. I am not the sun. I am not even a volcano of creation and destruction. I am a simple human. I am not who I once was. I am not who I'm going to be. I am only the present. I am only the future of the past. I am metaphoric. I am unrealistic. I am hell. I am heaven. I am religion. I am Gods. I am Devils. I am Satan and Hades. I am Vishnu and Jesus. I am strength. I am weakness. I am old. I am young. I am wise. I am dumb. And of course, I am me. I am only me. Call me as you will, I cannot change you, I can only change myself. Please, heed the truth. Heed your truth. Heed my truth. Heed the truth. 
A year and some change since the hospital. I "ran away" from my problems. My dad knows where I am, as does Egderp. I've persisted in asking him to come see me. He refuses for 'parental reasons.' I hope he's not lying, but a part of me can't resist but think he is. 
Donald Trump took the healthcare of his club member's niece. I haven't had my correct medicine since the day of the reptile convention. I took my old accidental refills. They worked for a little while. Then the shaking, but still happiness. Then, four days ago, I shattered. 2 days after the year anniversary of my release, and I was fit for readmission. I tried to solve it myself. I force the pills down, knowing they're better than the unmedicated hell.
I've been at my best friends for four days straight. I didn't plan for this. I miss my lizard. I miss my sister. I miss my dad. But I know going back will mean hell. I know going back means crying so loudly I can't hear my own thoughts. I know it means more pain than I could ever be in away. My best friend and her family have become my new family almost. Their friends are my friends. My enemies are their enemies. My old crush is their best friend. He comes and goes as he pleases. It's nice, I got to cuddle with him as we both went through our own hells. He's persistent. I've always liked that.
I feel safe here. I feel comfortable here. I sleep in my friend's bed. I watch netflix with her brother, another good friend now. We both almost cried at the last episode of the night. I'm glad I brought a stuffie from home. Pikachu is a good cuddler. I feel safe enough here to ask for clothes. They know I'm not okay to drive in this state. I don't know when I'll go home. I honestly don't want to, but I do miss my lizard. I've lost close friends this week due to my own actions. I'm okay with the friendships lost. I'm not okay with the time I lost. The heart I lost. I'm not okay with my wasted love.
I'm wearing leggings that stretched a little too much when I put them on. I'm wearing a cropped hoodie that goes a little too high for comfort. My stomach only looks bigger, but I've been eating less. Not starving myself, just haven't been hungry as much.
I had a fender bender earlier in the month before my birthday. I think it was before, at least. 2018 has blended into a blurry mess. I'm glad it was minor, but it was caused by an anxiety attack while driving, worsened by my passenger yelling at me.
Names keep swimming through my head. Boys keep swimming through my head. Oh, what I'd give for a flat stomach. Oh, what I'd give for an actual lover. Oh, what I'd give for the tender touch of a true love's kiss. Oh, what I'd give to be okay. I want to be held and told everything will be okay again. I know it will eventually, I just... don't want to wait for eventually. 
My mom just found out I was gone. Dad never told her. I can't articulate what's wrong. I never have been good at articulating my thoughts. I have to be prompted. 

Well, I started this at about 1am. It's now 4:18 am and I need sleep. I should sleep. I'll check in again soon. 
Farewell for now.

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19ehill's Profile Picture
19ehill
Erin
Artist | Hobbyist | Other
United States
I'm an aspiring author and artist, as well as a singer. I don't sing much in public, but occasionally I do. My artwork is improving, and I love doing illusions with dA muro.
Interests

Comments


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:iconlaverre-dino:
laverre-dino Featured By Owner Aug 5, 2015  Hobbyist Artist
Ah, thanks for the watch! ^^ Glad you liked my picture! <3
Reply
:icon19ehill:
19ehill Featured By Owner Aug 5, 2015  Hobbyist Artist
All of your art is FANTABULOUS! We should collaborate once I get my 3DS and games back from my sister ^^
Reply
:iconlaverre-dino:
laverre-dino Featured By Owner Aug 5, 2015  Hobbyist Artist
That'd be great! ^^
Reply
:iconfantasylover100:
fantasylover100 Featured By Owner Edited Jan 18, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
Guitar Player GUITAR :drummer: Saxophone Emote Austria emote :kanyewest: mic pweez 

Dance! Dance lessons Dance til ya can't no moe dance llama cancan onion dance 182 : Dance Together Emoticon 182 : Dance Together Emoticon I say Dance :chairdance: Emote dancing Caramel dansen emote Frog dance 
Happy Birthday
Reply
:icon19ehill:
19ehill Featured By Owner Jun 21, 2015  Hobbyist Artist
Its been awhile but thank you!!! You're such an awesome furriend!! :hug: :kiss:
Reply
:iconfantasylover100:
fantasylover100 Featured By Owner Jun 21, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
:tighthug:
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:iconfantasylover100:
fantasylover100 Featured By Owner Sep 12, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
:huggle:
Reply
:icon19ehill:
19ehill Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2015  Hobbyist Artist
blubluh
Reply
:iconyour-derp:
Your-Derp Featured By Owner Sep 7, 2014  Student Artist
Do you know what yaoi is?~
Reply
:icon19ehill:
19ehill Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2015  Hobbyist Artist
yis
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